I Was That Child

The Hidden Harm of Oversharing Our Stories

When I scroll through social media and see posts from parents or professionals sharing intimate details about autistic children or disabled young people—meltdowns, toileting struggles, “behavioural issues,” diagnoses. I feel a sick drop in my stomach. Not because these things shouldn’t be talked about. But because they are being talked about without us.

I was that child once. The one professionals wrote about in reports, the one parents vented about in waiting rooms, the one whose struggles were put under a microscope and passed around like case studies. I learned to smile, nod, be grateful—because “they’re just trying to help.” But I never felt safe. I never felt respected. I certainly never felt seen as a whole person.

And now I watch it happen to another generation of children, their stories turned into content.

It’s Not Just a Story—It’s Our Life

When a parent posts about their child hitting them, screaming, or wetting the bed, it might feel like they’re asking for solidarity. And maybe they are. But to the child involved, if they read it one day, or if someone recognises them,

it’s betrayal.

It’s humiliation.

It’s being reduced to a list of “problems,” not a person trying their best in a world that rarely meets them where they are.

I still remember the day I found an old assessment report written about me. I was about 12. It described me in detail: “resistant to eye contact,” “prone to emotional outbursts,” “fails to respond to social cues appropriately.” I didn’t understand all the words, but I understood enough to feel ashamed.

Not helped.

Ashamed.

Like I was broken, and the adults in my life were all whispering behind my back, comparing notes.

Some of them were.

It took me years to understand that what I needed wasn’t fixing, it was support, and respect, and privacy.

Whose Voice Is Loudest?

There’s a power imbalance here. Children, especially disabled or neurodivergent children, don’t get to control how their stories are told. Parents and professionals hold the pen. And often, they tell the version of the story that centres their own experience: “Look what I have to deal with,” “Look how hard this is for me.” The child becomes a problem to manage, not a person to understand.

And the world rewards it. “You’re so strong!” people comment. “Thank you for your honesty.” But the child is not thanked. The child is not given the chance to consent. They’re not asked how it feels to have their worst moments turned into someone else’s inspiration, or worse, entertainment.

Support Doesn’t Have to Mean Exposure

I’m not saying we shouldn’t talk about hard things. But we need to change how we talk about them, and who we centre in the conversation.

If you’re a parent or professional who needs support, seek it from trusted peers, in private spaces, with care. Ask yourself:

• Would I want someone sharing this about me?

• Could I talk about this issue without identifying my child?

• Have I asked their permission—and respected their answer?

If the answer to any of those is no, it’s not safe to share.

And if you’re someone who’s already shared, and now feels unsure, take a breath. Go back. Remove posts. Apologise if needed. We all make mistakes. But we can do better.

We Deserve To Be The Authors of Our Own Stories

Children grow up. We remember. We carry those early messages deep into adulthood: You are difficult. You are too much. You are something to be managed, not understood.

Or, we can carry different messages: You are valued. You are safe. You are worthy of privacy, and agency, and love that doesn’t require you to perform or mask.

I want every child today to grow up with that second message. I want them to be able to look back at how their adults handled their struggles and feel proud, not ashamed. I want them to be the first to tell their stories, if and when they choose to.

Because no matter how small, or how “impaired” people say they are, every child is a person. Not a project. Not a burden. Not a content opportunity.

Below is a short guide to childrens privacy to support creating safer spaces.

Creating Safer Spaces - Childrens privacy handout.pages

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